"I am not a place for cowards"
I've been thinking a lot lately about healthy boundaries. In my conscious effort to live a more wholistic and unapologetic life, I've found that I've had to let go of my fears around how I may be perceived and develop some solid boundaries in my relationships with loved ones. For me healthy boundaries are deeply rooted in self-worth – when we love, respect and value ourselves, we exercise our right to choose what we are willing to give our energy to, and we assert ourselves freely without fear of judgement.
In a world where we are constantly being bombarded with endless information, having healthy boundaries is vital for keeping our own energy solidly intact and not becoming a sponge for other people's worries, opinions, needs and frequencies. Sometimes, we're essentially carrying around baggage that simply isn't ours to bear the weight of. But when we consciously choose what we are willing to engage with and give our attention to, we can feel grounded in our sense of self and ensure that the feelings and beliefs we hold are our own. We can trust our intuition and make better informed decisions from a place of innate knowing.
Furthermore, when we are present in our relationships, we have a much better overview of situations and this allows us to express ourselves more honestly and uncensored from a heart-centred place. Equally, when we decide to raise the expectations we have for ourselves, we ultimately demand the same standards from those around us. Sooner or later we have to value ourselves enough to ask for more from the people in our lives. This isn't easy; we have to unlearn a lot of conditioning around feelings of guilt and unworthiness. We may also have to work through some trust issues around fears of rejection. For me, I had to explore the belief systems I held relating to identity; trusting that I was finally ready to become that woman who asks for more from my relationships, without fear of the perceived consequences. The fear that maybe people might think I was high maintenance, too sensitive or hard work. Fundamentally, you have to reach a stage where you truly know yourself. Only then will the fear around other people's perceptions dissipate. When you have an unwavering knowledge of self, it's impossible to be shaken by another's opinion – if it isn't in alignment with who you know yourself to be, it immediately feels off. And if you're really present, it won't even faze you. I've realised – and it's insanely liberating – that the last thing I'm about to do is get into an argument with someone about who I am. Let people make assumptions, tell their friends, scream it from the rooftops. It's none of my business.
Interestingly, how your requests are met reveal a great deal about the other person. If you're made to feel like you're asking too much of that person, then perhaps you are. Perhaps that person isn't going to be able to meet you where you need to be met right now. And whilst that's disappointing, it's necessary to know this information, as this is where you get to make a choice. Are you willing to sacrifice yourself and your own needs for a relationship, which no longer serves you, desperately gasping for air, as you go down with the sinking ship? Or are you prepared to save yourself? To make a brave, bold step away from that person and towards a new expression of yourself, trading your old habits for new, fulfilling ways of being? That's the decision it always comes down to. You cannot mould, force or even love someone into being worthy of you and your energy. Sometimes we have to love people from a healthy distance in order not to jeopardise our own growth and manifestations. That's having healthy boundaries. So, choose wisely. Choose you.